So I called a friend for help. I said to him "I need an optical mouse with a mouse wheel that scrolls and clicks." I wish I'd been more specific and I was comforted when he said "Do you want a PS/2 or USB? I think I only have a USB one." of course I replied "That's fine mate. That'll do, I'm just dropping in skill 'cause mine is <insert negative word here>".
A short while later, he runs up to my house, drops the bag with it in and says "I've got to go mate, I got people waiting." Fair enough, see you later and all that... Then I open the bag...

Somehow I feel emasculated... But I just wanted you to know, when I kill you, I kill you with my camp mouse shining all the way.

Oh, and as an added touch of "Oh that's so cute...", the mouse wheel glows pink...